Sometimes 13, sometimes 27

Kill Me Now

Kill Me Now

Everyday, once a day, at an unsuspecting moment, like when I am watching a not-particularly-gripping movie, or a show that I don’t really want to watch but I’d promised someone that I would, or when I am walking to school, or when I am having coffee, or any other mundane moment like that – everyday, once a day, a horrible memory hits me. A memory of an incident that was ridiculously, unbelievably stupid on my part (and believe me there are countless of those). And in that one instant my whole body fills up with an unbearable warmth (I suppose that would be the feeling of shame) and in that moment my only wish is that I would melt away or vanish into thin air or become something minute – a grain of sand, a drop of water, an electron – just invisible  from the whole world so that no one can ever, possibly, enter my mind and see my memory and add to my embarrassment, or wait… may be they already know. I mean I am sure some people already know!! But may be if I became invisible they might forget about it, because whats to remember about someone who is never in your face? And then after fighting a vert strong impulse to duck under a table or hide behind a tree or pull the sheets over my head, the moment passes and I realize I am not 13 anymore. Of course not. No 13 year old would have handled those torturous few minutes with as much grace as I just did. And move on with my day.

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